I was reading about the Survivor-Centred Approach to gender-based violence intervention, and at one point, I saw that the goal of this approach is to live violence-free, not necessarily to leave the abusive relationship.
A little ray of light shone within me. The dark, heavy clouds that had been looming for at least a few hours didn’t seem quite so bad with this little bit of warmth.
I’m sure there are a number of people out there who do or did want to leave their abusive situation, who want to get away and stay away. Far away.
Some people though, don’t necessarily want to leave. They just want the harm, the violence, to stop… to go away. To… have things be different.
That had been me.
But I knew it wouldn’t end. I had tried to learn how to influence him, to calm him, but there was nothing I could to to lessen or prevent it. That was difficult, and yet also freeing. No matter what I did, he got angry, which therefore meant that it was easier for me to finally understand that it wasn’t my fault. I wasn’t triggering it, unless of course, he was just aggravated by my existence and hated me. But, you know…
Anyway, it didn’t matter what I wanted or how I felt. I didn’t really have much of a choice. I had to leave.
I don’t regret that choice.
I just wish things could have happened differently.